The Sunflower,  & A Noise 

I am, as I care to describe it, waking up to a noise this very morning. A noise far away in the internal distant. I have put my shoes on, and lit a cigarette. I took a sip of water while I ran my fingers through my hair pushing it back. I brushed my pants off,  and put my sunglasses on. I looked around full circle. I am alone. The wind cries from the west.

There this dirt road before me, and on both sides, endless fields of sunflowers in the trickled sunlight. I think I will walk into this sunlight today to the east. The other direction only darkness. I think I came from there yesterday. Before walking away, I shall cast all things down no longer wanted in my life. These things unto the ground I lay carefully and with intent before my feet. These feet that leave no prints, but still, will take me forever away from you.

To leave behind that which no longer make sense to me.  A picture, a cup of which another final sip of water I take from now, and last I leave here a broken soul. Now this completed, I will disappear over the ridge of this place that I slept and dreamed for so long after. To remember will be hard, as the moments pass by me this day. A day I have chosen to leave us behind. The us which was only left in me.

Finally to forget that which I possessed, and has hurt me so very deeply. This simply a desire and hope to bring resolve within me.  A dream that I may feel again after you. A celebration of the heart and soul with the first step I now take alone. So then for now, I will live in this moment as it unfolds before me.

Truly, I submit thats as close to reality any of us may come. Beyond or before the moment at hand is not real. I don't expect understanding. It is what it is. I did in a quick glance, look back from the ridge in the distance, this a single fleading moment to the eye. The distance between then and now is now a lifetime away.

I saw the picture and cup I left on the ground behind me.  The broken soul was not visible to the eye in the distance for a good reason. A giant sunflower forever above two smiles, I so loved and touched as a seed. A picture now near where I slept and held it so tightly, crying all those nights being so lost and empty as I had been left alone inside. 

Most importantly, from this a thought rushed in merely by a simple innocent moment of similarity. First remembering with a smile, then it,  the memory of this moment suddenly turned a cold realization. Its unknown significance finally was revealed. A field of sunflowers by a glass church we once stood in hand in hand. We imagined a loving future together. You took the last drink. Remember? 

There is now within me, and I have always felt  something significant about that drink denied me that hot day in July. I being also thirsty, foolishly accepted this denile out of blind love for you. I just didn't know at the time what it meant. It was a glimpse into your soul.  It was who you really are.  It is who you will always be in the end, with things you touch. You did touch me profoundly dear. This I am sorry for now.

Should  someday you cross this path  I have long left behind, and  somehow stumble across that picture and  the cup beside it, on the ground. It may hurt you, as it did me for so long after as you may finally know me. By this time, should it come to pass, you will finally know the truth of my heart by my gift today. It will be your turn to feel. To feel beyond you, as I have beyond me.

This with that little sip from the cup before I left this place inside of me. There is one final loving exception. It wasn't the last sip! I left one in the cup for you. This finally known by you, being my difference, and your gift. As for the picture, you will remember its past. This as you take the last drink,  just as you did many times before me, and Im sure after.  Being in fact who you really are.

To come to know, and remember that picture which came from a single seed. This seed I so loved and planted for us, that cool spring day. The seed that became the picture I did leave behind today. The seed that grew that giant sunflower with the two smiles below it. My smile was from a true love I felt for you. No words I possess can describe its true nature within me. I did feel a sense of completion for the first time in my life with you. For you, only a burden.

Your smile quite different being a lie of uncertainty from the beginning to yourself. This you knew then, as I know today.  Our difference caught in a lens telling a truth you couldn't. It turns out being a picture to forever outlast us. Finally if this path crossing be not  -  It, the cup and picture, will remain there alone with the dust of eternity, as I surely shall never pass this way again. The noise?  Oh, thats my broken soul which couldn't be left behind.

Broken only in this moment, but still loving me enough to surround my heart. Without words but clearly saying -  Its ok ..Its time to go to the next moment now. Forever and a day it was not to be.  

Sunflowers do cry - You laughed...